


(Un)Wanted Guest

by saviorofthewakingworld



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-31
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2017-11-11 02:52:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/473688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saviorofthewakingworld/pseuds/saviorofthewakingworld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bro needs a place to stay and John begrudgingly takes him in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OLDER VERSION,  
> AFTER CHAPTER 2, THERE ARE IS THE REVISED VERSION OF CHAP 1 and CHAP 2, THEN NEW CONTENT.

You spend a majority of your Friday nights with your best bro, Dave Strider. Sometimes you guys go out to clubs and try to pick up girls. Most nights, though, you just play video games at Dave’s apartment.

Tonight you are playing one of his favorite games. You hardly think it classifies as “playing,” due to the many glitches that have barred you from making any progress. As you finally start to make some headway, the blonde pauses the game and answers his phone. The corners of his mouth turn down and his forehead crinkles as he stands up.

“Yeah, Bro, I can find you somewhere to stay… By tomorrow?!... I’ll try. No promises.”

Dave wears a guilty expression as he hangs up and turns toward you.

“John, I need you to do me a huge favor,” your friend says.

Cautiously, you reply, “what is it this time, Strider?”

“Bro just called and told me he’s moving home. I would totally have him live here… if I had room. You were looking for a roommate, right?”

“Your 36 year old brother isn’t exactly who I had in mind.”

Dave’s hand slower rises to his face and grabs his glasses.

“Dave, don’t you dare-“

He pulls them off and looks at you with wide, shiny eyes.

“That’s not fair,” you whine, but you cave in.

When you arrive home that night, you decide to clean your apartment. Your body goes into autopilot as your thoughts begin to wander. When was the last time you saw Dave’s brother? You were fourteen and going through puberty, so about seven years ago. He’d sometimes hang out with you and Dave when you spent the night. You wonder if he has the same pointy shades and sculpted body that he had then. Mostly, you’re curious if he is still obsessed with puppets.

The next day you’re woken up to a ringing phone. Dave is frantically apologizing while also blubbering out something about you picking his bother up from the airport. You grudgingly get out of bed and get dressed. Maybe you’ll sleep when you get back.

The airport is almost completely empty. There are a few people who look like they’re also being forced to pick someone up at an unreasonably early hour. After a quick scan of the board displaying arriving flights, you realize that Dirk’s flight should be arriving in a half hour You have no idea what to do in the meantime so you take a seat and stare at nothing.

Suddenly, you feel a heavy hand on your shoulder and you jump into a standing position. You look around and no one seems to be around. It seems like you fell asleep and just woke up like an idiot. You rub your eyes tiredly and when you open them again there’s a tall blonde man standing directly in front of you.

Your attention is immediately pointed to his pointy shades. They look as if they could stab someone if they needed to. His V-neck t-shirt clings to his chest. The fabric enhances the contours of his muscles. Dirk Strider is way brawnier than you recall, and you feel lacking. He just looks at you from behind his sunglasses.

“I guess you must be Dirk! Long time no see,” you say to try to break the silence.

He responds, “Hey there, Egbert, you’ve certainly grown up.”

It makes you a little uncomfortable that you can’t see exactly where he is looking. You suppose that you’ll eventually get used to this like you did with Dave. In the car, Dirk starts asking you all sorts of questions. A lot of the things he asks are about Dave.

When you arrive at your apartment, you help him carry his bags inside while explaining your boundaries he has to respect.

“… If you make a mess, you have to clean it up. Send me a text if you’re bringing a girl home. Uhhh… I think that’s it.

Your apartment is not that large. It consists of two rooms, side by side, the small kitchen, the bathroom, and the tiny space you use to watch TV. Bro follows you into his room.

“I guess this is where you’ll be staying.”

He mutters something along the lines of, “cool,” as you exit. It’s about 11 so you decide to start making lunch to welcome Bro into his new home. No one can hope to beat John Egbert in a hospitality-off. He’s simply the best there is. The smell of cooking food seems to draw Dirk out of his room.

“What are you making?” Dave’s older brother asks as he walks into the room.

“Grilled cheese and tomato soup” you reply.

Dirk begins to search through the cabinets for plates and bowls. He places two of each on the tiny table in the middle of the room. Then he goes on a search for spoons. The spoon drawer is directly to the left of the stove where you are cooking. You open it for him and try to be polite by handing it to him, but instead you end up grabbing his hand for a second. Blushing, you pull your hand back immediately and focus on making the food.

As you serve the food, you make sure you give the older Strider plenty of space. Then you move your chair as far from him as you can get and sit down cautiously.

“I don’t bite, John, you don’t have to be so nervous,” Dirk casually remarks before taking a spoonful of soup to his pink lips.

“I’m just not used to having someone else in the house,” is your reply.

You watch as Bro takes a bite of the grilled cheese you made or him. “Holy shit, this is probably the best grilled cheese I have ever had!”

You can’t help but blush again. The grilled cheese is terrible, so you know he’s lying. For the rest of lunch, the two of you discuss your cooking. Dirk perks up when you mention that you enjoy cooking a lot.

Dirk offers to clean the dishes, but you decline. What kind of roommate would you be if you let him do chores before he’s even fully unpacked? A piss poor excuse for one is the answer. Maybe living with Dirk Strider won’t be as bad as you thought.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little weed. More eating, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OLDER VERSION,  
> AFTER CHAPTER 2, THERE ARE IS THE REVISED VERSION OF CHAP 1 and CHAP 2, THEN NEW CONTENT.

You don’t have anything to do until the next morning when you work so you go to your own room and contemplate what to do until dinner. A glance at your computer tells you that Dave is online.

TG: hey how is the new roomie

TG: boss as hell i bet

EB: yeah he’s pretty nice i guess! you should come over after work tomorrow. i think he misses you.

TG: i doubt it but ill come

TG: cant wait to see lil cal again

TG: he still has lil cal right

EB: i honestly have no idea

EB: guess you’ll find out tomorrow

You decide it’s time to find out if the older man still is obsessed with puppets. Before leaving your room, you fix your hair… for no reason you guess… and head to Bro’s door.

You knock and calmly yell, “Excuse me, Bro, can I come in.”

Shuffling noises are made from behind the door. Suddenly the door is open and Dirk is standing in front of you. He’s changed into a tank top. Dave’s SBAHJ’s character’s face is tattooed on his upper arm. He stares at you while your eyes are planted on curve of his biceps. A few seconds later you realize yourself.

“Oh, hey, well sorry to disturb you, but I have been wondering if you are a still a creep for puppets.”

“Come on in and see for yourself.”

The room has transformed into what can only be described as a puppet shrine. Muppet Baby posters are taped to the walls. Smuppets are strewn haphazardly around the floor. Lil Cal is sitting contentedly on the bed. After surveying the room with your mouth agape, you turn back to Bro who is beaming proudly at his collection. Your horrified expression doesn’t seem to disturb him from his joy. After a few seconds a smell reaches your nose that certainly wasn’t there this morning. On the dresser near the window, there’s a small black ash tray and a cigarette. Cigarettes don’t usually smell like this though.

“What were you doing before I came in, Bro?” you asked, puzzled.

“Just chilling down. Want to join?”

He picks up the cigarette and extends it toward you. It begins to dawn on you that it’s a joint. How much more lame could you get?

“I’ve never… tried weed before,” you mumble nervously, unsure of what to do.

He looks incredulously at you and instructs you to, “just take a deep breath and try to hold it as long as you can.”

With a small smile on his face, he puts the joint up to your mouth and lights it for you. You do as he instructs and just end up coughing wildly. He grabs a nearby glass of water and hands it to you, then rubs your hair a little. You drink the cool water greedily as he takes a hit. Then he passes it back to you. While staring at the joint you realize that you don’t actually want to be doing this right now. Not with Bro. The last thing you want is to end up being a 36 year old stoner… like a certain roommate you have.

“Um maybe I’ll pass on this,” you mumble quietly.

“Hey, man, that’s fine. I can respect that. Let’s still chill though. I just got this awesome new game…” Dirk says and starts rambling about what GameBro said about it.

The game isn’t really that great. You aren’t about to leave, though, while Bro is providing the perfect opportunity to bond. Eventually a rumble from your stomach tells you it’s time to make some food. You get up to go to the kitchen when Bro says he’ll just to order a pizza. Usually you’d object but you just feel like lying in bed. The pizza arrives about twenty minutes later. You get up to pay, but Dirk tells you it’s on him. He brings it back to his room and the two of you devour the entire thing in just a few minutes. Stuffed and lazy, you decide to lie down. The bed feels very comfy today for some reason. Your eyelids begin to feel heavy and you eventually fall asleep.

The world doesn’t feel right when you wake up. For a moment you have no idea where you are. You realize you’re in Dirk’s room after seeing the pile of Smuppets in the corner. There’s an arm around you, but it’s oddly light. You shift a little to get up and feel the scratchy fabric of a felt hand brush against your skin. Lil Cal was cuddling with you while you slept. It doesn’t seem like Bro is in here, though, which makes this whole experience ten times creepier. Your watch says it’s already 7 P.M. You have to start dinner!

You jump up and walk to the kitchen, to find that he’s already in there making spaghetti with meatballs. The table is set with two small candles in the middle. The room is filled with a delicious smell of cooking sauce and meat. You take a seat at the kitchen table and subconsciously stare at him cooking. He stirs the sauce with his powerful hands and why are you thinking about that? You try to think about work to get your mind off of these uncomfortable thoughts, but you fail miserably. It’s hard to ignore that you felt so comfortable and at ease next to him in bed. These thoughts are interrupted by Strider placing a bowl on the table. He takes his seat across from you and looks at you for a minute.

He says, “I thought I’d cook us a romantic meal. Do you have any wine?”

Awkwardly you get up and turn around to face a cabinet full of various types of alcohol. There’s only one bottle of wine which you grab along with two wine glasses. You place them on the table and fill them, then hand one to the man across the table from you.

“Sorry that it’s cheap. I don’t drink very often,” you say, hoping he doesn’t detect the anxiety lacing your words.

“I can see that,” he replies, his head facing the cabinet full of nearly empty bottles.

Again you sit down, hearing every squeak of chair against floor. You don’t have anything to retort, so you apprehensively scoop some of the spaghetti onto your plate. Luckily, eating in silence is better than just plain sitting in silence.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Combined, revised version of chapters 1 and 2!  
> Sorry, about not updating for so long... I hope the changes I made are for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey if anyone knows how to fix the formatting issues I'm having, then I'd really appreciate you helping me. Thanks!

John Egbert spends a majority of his Friday nights with his best bro, Dave Strider. Sometimes the pair of guys go out to clubs and try to pick up girls. Most nights, though, they just play video games at Dave’s apartment.  
Tonight the boys are playing one of Dave’s favorite games. John hardly thinks it classifies as “playing,” due to the many glitches that have barred him from making any progress. As John finally begins to make some headway on the story, Dave puts the game in pause, and answers his phone. The corners of his mouth turn down and his forehead crinkles as he stands up.  
“Really, Bro? ... Can’t you just get a hotel- … Fine, bye.”  
Dave wears a guilty expression as he hangs up and turns toward face John.  
“John, I need you to do me a huge favor,” Dave starts.  
Cautiously, John replies, “what is it this time, Strider?”  
“Bro just called and told me he’s moving home. I would totally have him live here… if I had room. You were looking for a roommate, right?”  
“Your 36 year old brother isn’t exactly who I had in mind.”  
Dave’s hand slowly rises to his face and grabs his glasses.  
“Dave, don’t you dare try that shit-“  
He pulls them off and looks at John with wide, shiny eyes.  
“That’s not fair,” Johns says but he has already decided to do this favor for his friend.  
When John arrives home that night, he decides to clean his apartment. His body goes into autopilot as his thoughts begin to wander. When was the last time he saw Dave’s brother? John was fourteen and going through puberty, which was approximately seven years ago. He’d sometimes hang out with John and Dave when they were having a sleepover. John wonders if Bro has the same pointy shades and sculpted body that he had then. Mostly, he’s curious if Bro is still obsessed with puppets.  
The next day John is woken up by music. “California Gurls” by Katy Perry was emitting from an inexplicable source. After a moment or two, he realizes that he is getting a call. The first thing he hears when he answers is Dave frantically apologizing. The next thing he hears must be his imagination because it sounds like Dave just asked John to get his brother from the airport.  
“What?” is all John can manage to say in his half-sleeping state.  
“Um… I was explaining how I have no way to get Bro from the airport… And how I would really owe you if you got him!”  
The airport is almost completely empty. There are a few people who look like they’re also being forced to pick someone up at an unreasonably early hour. After a quick scan of the board displaying arriving flights, John realizes that Dirk’s flight should be arriving in a half hour. He has no idea what to do in the meantime so he entertains himself with how he is going to prank Dave later for making him do this.  
When John opens his eyes, he sees a large, heavy hand rested on his shoulder. He can’t help but jump up in confusion. He searches the nearby area for the body that owns the hand, but no one is to be found. He begins to wonder if he imagined the hand, and realizes he probably looked like an idiot. He rubs his eyes tiredly and when they are open again there’s a tall blonde man standing directly in front of him.  
John’s attention is immediately drawn to the sharp angled sunglasses the strange man is wearing. They look as if they could stab someone if the man was strifing with someone. His V-neck t-shirt clings to his chest. The fabric enhances the contours of his muscles. Dirk Strider is way brawnier than John recalls. Standing near him makes John feel inadequate. Strider just looks at John from behind his sunglasses.  
“I guess you must be Dirk! Long time no see,” John begins, trying to break the silence.  
“Hey there, Egbert, you’ve certainly grown up.”  
John fidgets uncomfortably being unaware of exactly where Dirk’s eyes are focused. John guesses he’ll add it to the list of things that he’ll has to get used to. In the car, Dirk starts asking John all sorts of questions. They are boring questions such as how much does Dirk need to contribute to rent, does he have to cook, but then suddenly they start to be more and more about Dave and Dave’s life.  
When the two men arrive at John’s apartment, Johns helps carry the bags inside.  
“… If you make a mess, you have to clean it up. Send me a text if you’re bringing a girl home. Uhhh… I think that’s it.”  
John’s apartment is not that large. It consists of two rooms, side by side, the small kitchen, the bathroom, and the tiny space used to watch TV. Bro follows John into his new room.  
“I guess this is where you’ll be staying.”  
He mutters something along the lines of, “cool,” as John exits. It’s only about 11 AM so John decides to start making a nice lunch to welcome Bro into his new home. No one can hope to beat John Egbert in a hospitality-off. He’s simply the best there is. Meanwhile, Dirk finally leaves his room, probably because of the delicious smells.  
“Yo what’s for lunch?” Dave’s older brother asks as he walks into the room.  
“Grilled cheese and tomato soup,” John replies. Dad used to make that for him all the time. Not that John is anywhere near Dad’s skill in cooking.  
Dirk begins to search through the cabinets for plates and bowls. He places two of each on the tiny table in the middle of the room. Then he goes on a search for spoons. The spoon drawer is directly to the left of the stove. Out of courtesy, John opens it for Dirk and tries to hand it to him, but instead ends up grabbing his hand for a second as it was mid-reach for the same spoon. John blushes and focuses on cooking while Dirk takes his place at the table  
John serves the food while making sure to avoid any more body contact with his new roommate. Before he sits, he positions his chair opposite of where Dirk is sitting.  
“I don’t bite, John, you don’t have to be so nervous,” Dirk casually remarks before taking a spoonful of soup to his pink lips. Since when do I notice the color of other men’s lips, though John.  
“I’m just not used to having someone else in the house,” John says after only a few moments.  
Dirk takes a bite out of the freshly made grilled cheese, “Holy shit, this is probably the best grilled cheese I have ever had!”  
For a moment John thinks he might start blushing again. The grilled cheese is terrible, so Dirk must be lying. For the rest of lunch, the conversation revolves safely around cooking. Dirk perks up when he finds that John naturally enjoys cooking every night.  
Dirk offers to clean the dishes, but there’s no way John is letting him do that. What kind of roommate would he be if he let Dirk do chores before he’s even fully unpacked? A piss poor excuse for one is the answer. It sure was nice that he offered, though.  
It only takes John 15 minutes to hand clean the 4 dishes, which leaves him with nothing to do except nurture his addiction to the internet. Back in his room, John opens his laptop and starts pesterchum. Dave is online.  
TG: hey how is the new roomie  
TG: boss as hell i bet  
EB: yeah he’s pretty nice i guess! you should come over after work tomorrow. i think he misses you.  
TG: i doubt it but ill come  
TG: cant wait to see lil cal again  
TG: he still has lil cal right  
EB: i honestly have no idea  
EB: guess you’ll find out tomorrow  
After the short conversation with Dave, John is curious to see what kind of puppety transformation the old spare room has gone through. Before leaving his room, John checks himself out in the mirror. He still looks like he just got out of bed. John can’t stand for such a sloppy look! He quickly runs a comb through his black hair and heads for Dirk’s new room.  
He knocks and calmly yells, “Excuse me, Bro, can I come in.”  
Shuffling noises are made from behind the door. Suddenly the door is open and Dirk is standing in the door frame. He’s changed into a tank top. Dave’s SBAHJ’s character’s face is tattooed on his upper arm. For a moment, John’s eyes are directed at Bro’s large bicep. After a few seconds, Bro coughs nonchalantly, bringing John’s attention to the matter at hand.  
“Oh, hey, well sorry to disturb you, but I have been wondering if you are a still a creep for puppets.”  
“Come on in and see for yourself.”  
The room has transformed into what can only be described as a puppet shrine. Muppet Baby posters are taped to the walls. Smuppets are strewn haphazardly around the floor looking down-right inviting. Lil Cal is sitting on the bed; his head casually relaxes as if to say, “I rule this place, bitch.” Dirk’s shoulders are spread wide, his hands are on his hips, and his hair looks especially pointy as he presents his room to John. Meanwhile John catches himself with his mouth open and immediately tries to smile. Bro’s pride doesn’t ebb as he notices John’s initial reaction.  
After a few seconds a peculiar, skunky smell meanders to John’s nose that certainly wasn’t there this morning. On the dresser near the window, there’s a small black ash tray and a cigarette. Cigarettes don’t usually smell like this though, John thought.  
“What were you doing before I came in, Bro?” John asked, puzzled.  
“Just chilling down. Want to join?”  
He picks up the cigarette and extends it toward John. It begins to dawn on him that it’s a joint. How much more lame could he feel?  
“I’ve never… done weed before,” John mumbles nervously..  
He looks incredulously at John, but instructs him to, “just take a deep breath and try to hold it as long as you can.”  
With a small smile on his face, Dirk puts the joint up to John’s mouth and lights it for him. John inhales deepy and holds his breath for what seems like a long time until he can bear it no longer and starts coughing the hardest he ever has. Bro grabs a nearby glass of water and hands it to him. The water soothes John’s burning throat, but then it aches and itches again as soon as he finishes the glass.  
Meanwhile, Dirk has been putting the joint to good use. Politely, he passes it back to John. While staring at the joint John’s head starts to float. The back of head feels like it is turning but somehow staying still. He tentatively puts his mouth to the joint and inhales again. The fire in his esophagus reignites and he coughs again, and his eyes are watering. He hands the offending substance back to his Bro, and quickly runs to the bathroom to fill up the glass.  
His mind starts to jump around in thought. This is not how he planned to spend this day. This is not how he’d plan to spend any day. Not with Bro... The last thing he wants is to end up being a 36 year old stoner… like his new roomate.  
Back in the room, Bro is sitting down on the bed, looking at John with a straight face and a tense body. “Are you okay, man?” he asks in a deep, slow voice.  
John’s eyes are pounding. “I don’t want to smoke ever again,” he says. At least he thinks he said that. Maybe he just thought it. Whatever.  
“Hey, man, that’s fine. I can respect that. Let’s still chill though. I just got this awesome new game…” Dirk says and starts rambling about what GameBro said about it.  
The game isn’t really that great. It’s not like John would just leave, though. Not while Bro is providing the perfect opportunity to bond. Some words are exchanged ever now and then until John hears a weird, creaky sound. Suddenly it occurs to him that he’s hungry, and how rude of him to not provide a snack for them. John tries to get up and head to the kitchen, but Dirk’s hand on his shoulder stops him. He’s saying he’ll order a pizza. Yay.  
The pizza arrives about twenty minutes later. John offers to pay, but Dirk says it’s on him. He brings it back to his room and the two men devour the entire thing in just a few minutes. Stuffed and lazy, John relaxes onto the bed. The bed feels very comfy today for some reason. It smells different, too, less familiar. John’s eyelids begin to droop and he thinks, I’ll just close my eyes and listen to Bro play for a few minutes, but he can’t hear the game because he falls asleep.  
The world doesn’t feel right when John wakes up. For a moment, everything around him looks really foreign and faded. He hasn’t moved yet when he feels an arm gently placed on his bicep. As John begins to move to investigate, a scratchy, felt hand falls onto his face. Lil Cal was cuddling with him while he slept… It doesn’t seem like Bro is in here, though, which makes this whole experience ten times creepier. A look at his watch says it’s already 7 P.M. Egad! It’s time to start dinner!  
John stands up and stretches. As he walks to the kitchen he hears the bubbling of boiling water and smells tomatoes and spices. The table is set with two small candles in the middle. John takes a seat at the kitchen table and subconsciously stare at Dirk cooking. He stirs the sauce with his somehow muscular hands, but why are you thinking about his muscles, John screams internally. John begins to think about the work he has to get done before going into the office on Monday. John works at a place that hand makes fancy wedding invitations, certificates, anything that has calligraphy involved. He has several projects he has to complete, but when he thinks about his hands grasping the pen, his eyes shift back to Bro’s hands, then his arms, and his neck, and then his eyes. Oh no! He was watching the whole time.  
He silently puts the spaghetti, meatballs, sauce, and eating dishes on the table. There is only a small smirk on his face to reveal his thoughts.  
It shocks John out of his thoughts when he finally says, “I thought I’d cook us a romantic meal. Do you have any wine?”  
John ignores the teasing, and goes straight to the alcohol cabinet. He only has a few types of alcohol in stock, but a lot of bottles of it, all of which are nearly empty. There’s only one bottle of wine which he grabs along with two wine glasses. For a moment John is embarrassed that he only has cheap shit, but then he remembers that he’s a Strider and he probably doesn’t care at all.  
“Sorry that it’s cheap. I don’t drink very often,” John says the last sentence under his breath, hoping Bro doesn’t hear the meaning behind his words.  
“I can see that,” he replies, his head facing the cabinet full of nearly empty bottles.  
John’s step make the floor boars squeak with every step, it seems, and the chair is equally discontent with the pressure, which is weird because it’s new. John thinks about Bro’s words, and decides to let him think what he will, hoping that will keep the wool over his eyes for now. Bro grabs John’s plate, scoops a mountain of spaghetti onto it, then drowns it in sauce before he plops a hearty amount of meatballs on top. John starts working at this impossible amount of food while thanking God that he can eat instead of talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated. If you noticed any "you"s within the text where a John should be, don't hesitate to tell me. Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is updating. it's happening

After dinner, he chats with Jade online about nothing in particular, like usual, and then gets into bed. He spends a lot of time staring at the ceiling, not sleeping. It’s probably because of that long nap earlier… it has nothing to do with thinking about Dirk.

What a weird day. Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to take Bro in. The guy is obviously odd AND he’s a smoker. At least things won’t be boring around here if Dirk continues to be so strange. At least his head is finally feeling clear. Maybe he was a tiny bit high earlier? Maybe… Does only two hits do that? Either way, the awkward tenseness at dinner was super thick in the air! Why had it been that awkward?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John can feel the end of a small scream escape his lips as he wakes up in his room the next morning. What was that all about? All he remembers from his dream is being laughed at by a smuppet with pointy shades. It was very startling, to say the least.

It’s about 8 AM on a Sunday. John stays absolutely still as he strains his ears to hear a weird, unfamiliar sound. It sounds like a soft, inconsistent buzzing. It’s probably nothing, John thinks, as he gets up to make breakfast.

Most mornings, he’d just have cereal, but today feels like such a great day that he’d love to make it even greater with great food. Great! He opens the fridge to retrieve 4 eggs, then the freezer to get some frozen waffles. Just because he loves to cook doesn’t mean he loves making everything from scratch, especially first thing in the morning.

John pops the waffles into the toaster while grabbing a medium sized mixing bowl. He warms a pan while he beats the eggs. Scrambled eggs are John’s specialty (because they’re so easy to make). It doesn’t take very long for the waffles to finish toasting, and soon the eggs are done too. John puts the food on two plates and places them on opposite sides of the table. Then he grabs a carton of orange juice out of the fridge and grabs two cups, one blue and one red. It’s weird how many red things he owns, just to make Dave happy…

John takes a couple steps toward Bro’s room. Then he stops. Would it be an annoying roomatey thing to wake him up? It’s only 8:30 in the morning. He turns around and stares at the plate he made for Bro. Wouldn’t it be a nice surprise to wake him up to breakfast in bed? Yes, it definitely would be. John proceeds to grab a tray, and packs it with all the food and heads toward Bro’s room again. Maybe this nice breakfast will ease tensions between them after last night’s awkward dinner.

When he knocks on the door, he doesn’t get a response. Well he is going to take that as an invitation. As he enters the room, John figures out what the weird buzzing noise was. There’s a vibrating smuppet on the dresser. It’s just sitting there. Vibrating. On the dresser. He quickly places the tray on the bed next to Dirk and then runs out of there. As he closes the door, he hears the very familiar tune of Teenage Dream coming from his pocket again.

“Hey Dave. When are you coming over, bro?”

“I’ll probably be over there at 6, 7 at the latest. I’m actually on my way to work now. I fucking hate this job. What kind of 9-5 job also makes you work on Sundays. It’s fucking ridiculous.”

“Okay cool. We’re having meatloaf for dinner, by the way. See you then.”

It’s 5:30 and somehow John still hasn’t seen Bro all day. He had to have come out at some point to use the bathroom and stuff, but he managed to only come out when John was working in his room or gone at the store getting supplies. Either way, John is sure he’ll come out when Dave gets here. It the mean time, John is determined to make a delicious meatloaf!

Just as he is closing the oven on the meatloaf, Dirk shuffles out of his room wearing a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and some nice black pants. Honestly it’s like all his clothes consist of a white shirt on black pants. His hair looks it has been washed and combed and his body spray is making John gag.

“Uh… hi… is Dave here yet?” Bro asks as he walks into the kitchen and sits at the table.

“Obviously not or you’d be hearing some sick beats or raps or something,” John chokes out while trying not to breathe in the nasty scent, and failing miserably.

“Don’t try to be funny, John, you’re very bad at it. Anyways, thanks for the breakfast earlier.”

“Um thanks, I guess. By the way, can you bring the dishes out of your room? I’d like to get them put away as soon as possible.”

“I already cleaned them earlier.”

“Really? I don’t remember seeing you out of your room all day.”

“I could say the same for you.”

“Yeah I guess you could.”

For a few minutes, neither of them say anything. Dirk stares at John. John stares at the floor. What could they possibly talk about right now? The silence is even more uncomfortable than dinner last night.

“Excuse me, looks like I need to go change before Dave gets here,” John says, even though his previous intention was to actually just keep on what he was wearing. He just desperately needs to get out of this silence! Besides, if Dirk can get all cleaned up for Dave, then it surely will not hurt John to do so as well.

As he enters his room, John realizes he probably has almost an hour to burn until the meatloaf is ready and Dave arrives. He sits down on the edge of his bed and flops back, letting his arms fly wherever they like. At first, a million thoughts about work start flooding in his mind, but he’s determined to relax a little before his next tense encounter with his roommate.

John takes a deep breath and clears his mind on the exhale. He decides to relax in the best way he knows how. His hands slowly descend his body, softly caressing his obliques. 

The gentle touches send tingles straight to his dick. He imagines that it’s not his hands that are doing this, they’re Dave’s. The hands creep closer to his pants and begin undoing the button and lowering the zipper. Imaginary Dave is laying on the bed beside him, kissing him, inching his hand down into John’s boxers. John laughs when Dave’s hands struggle to find a comfortable angle, so he has to switch positions.

It feels like someone really did just settle on the bed beside him. John turns his head, eyes still closed, acting like he’s looking at his pretend lover. In his mind’s eye he sees the blonde hair, the familiar face, but instead of vibrant red eyes, he’s peering directly into some lovely orange eyes. At first he’s shocked to not see Dave there, but then he hears Dave’s familiar laugh coming from behind him. John knows in the back of his mind that he should probably be a little disturbed by this fantasy, but who gives a fuck. It’s hot as hell.

“Hey, baby,” Dirk growled in John’s ear. John’s dick twitches in a spasm of arousal. Dirk takes an impossibly loose hold of John’s dick. He strokes up and down, barely bumping the sensitive skin. John whines, desperate for more friction from this imaginary version of his roommate. “Hold your horses, kid. Let's do this right,” Dirk whispers as he grasps John's dick more firmly. Dave starts pinching and flicking John's nipple very gently, just the way he likes.

John's eyes snap open when the doorbell suddenly sounds. It suddenly dawns on him that he is about to have to spend time with the two men he was just fantasizing about! John pumps his dick a few more times, trying to finish quickly when he hears Dave yelling for him from right outside his door.

“I’m respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your best friend by coming in anyway,” Dave yells in between loud knocks.

John quickly re-fastens his trousers just in time as Dave barges into the room.

“DUDE, you CAN’T just come into a man’s room without permission. It’s just bad form.”

“It aint my fault you decided to wank right before I arrived.”

John nearly chokes as he tries to protest, but Dave cuts him off.

“You know I’m just kidding, bro! I’m sorry that I came early and disturbed your gentle sensibilities.”

John can’t help but laugh and shoos Dave out of the room. 

Dinner is delicious and watching Dave and Dirk joke together is truly a gift. The night would have been perfect if it weren’t for John’s incredibly blue balls. Every time Dave shoves a floppy piece of meat into his mouth, John can’t help but watch intently. To make himself lighten up, John drinks way too much wine. After his fifth glass, John is pretty much drunk.

After dinner, the group plays video games for a couple hours. It’s mostly Dave and Dirk playing, and John stuck watching, again, but it’s still funny. The lame games the Striders are notorious for playing are even funnier while plastered on nice wine. 

When it gets late, Dave says he should probably leave, because he has work early in the morning. It suddenly dawns on John that he has work tomorrow and that he is super drunk and will probably have a nasty hangover. After saying goodbye to Dave, he excuses himself to his room to quickly write an email to his boss saying that he’ll be working from home tomorrow because he feels under the weather.

After finishing a bottle of wine in his room, he feels like it is safe to go back out to retrieve another. Surely Dirk is sleeping in his room, right? Wrong! Dirk is still planted in the same spot, playing the same terrible video game. John sneaks by and heads right for the liquor cabinet. Once there he realizes that he drank the final bottle of wine that he had bought earlier. 

As John sulks back to his room, he passes Dirk again. Before John enters his room, Dirk says, “grab a controller,” to which John happily responds by doing just as Dirk said to. When John tries to gracefully lower himself onto the sofa, he ends up sitting way to close to Dirk. This is particularly noticeable when Dirk gets into the game and his legs tense up. 

John is watching Dirk’s leg do just that when his drunk-self remarks, “nice legs Dirk.”

“Um, thanks, man. I work out.”

“Yeah I can tell. I don’t think I have ever seen a leg be as muscular and beautiful as yours.”

“John just how drunk are you?”

“I’m not drunk. Are YOU drunk???” John accuses. 

“No, John, I most certainly am not drunk. I’m also not hitting on you in an awkward, yet endearing way.”

“What? Are you implying that a gentleman can’t comment on another gentleman’s beautiful, muscular body in a non-sexual way?”

“Do you even hear yourself?”

“No, I can’t because science doesn’t work that way!” John says as he rage quits the game and storms off to his room. 

Gosh that was weird of Dirk to say. He just has no idea what he is talking about.

As predicted, the next morning John has a headache and no memory of anything that happened after dinner. All that he is left with is an inkling that he did something awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry


End file.
